Beyond Good & Evil

This is a tough one, as it almost works as a game title. It completely sums up the theme of the game that there are some causes and some things in life that extend beyond the terms “good” and “evil.” Why does it only almost work? Because no piece of art (and if you choose such a pretentious title you are going for art) should ever be title its theme. How much boring would Heart of Darkness be if the title were Descent Into Madness? What if Star Wars were Trust Yourself and Use the Force? Yeah, it just doesn’t really work, even for great art.

Alternate Title Suggestion:
A Pig in a Poke

The Orange Box
Easily one of the best values ever crammed into one box of gaming ever. The Orange Box includes Half-Life 2 plus expansion episodes 1 and 2, the intense puzzler Portal (number two game of the year), and long-awaited team shooter Team Fortress 2. Oh yeah, it also includes one of the most bland titles ever. Consider for a moment this compilation is really not much different from Nintendo’s Super Mario All-Stars which compiled the first four classic games in that series. Now also consider they didn’t bother titled that gem The Mario Box, or simply The Red Box. That’s the difference between a good title and a terrible one.

Alternate Title Suggestion:
The Half-Life 2 All-Star Gala

UmJammer Lammy
PaRappa the Rapper was one of the first “music” games on the original PlayStation, and remains to this day one of the most charming and memorable titles for any system. Its title is clever and easily memorable. Its sequel, however, took a different path. I think I might know what a Jammer is, but what’s a Lammy? A lama? Really? So, it’s a jamming lama? No, not that a rapping dog made much more sense, but at least the title alone didn’t have me scratching my head and wishing I didn’t have to ask for this by title at a store.

Alternate Title Suggestion:
Slam Jamma Lama

Tobal No. 1
It’s easily one of the best fighting games that no one has ever played. Okay, so what if its sequel is better? Tobal No. 1 is the one started this franchise’s whole naming mess, and honestly also the one that probably doomed it to obscurity in the United States. At a time when most games, especially fighters, still packed small amounts of content into a game, Tobal No. 1 felt like the three-disc special edition DVD of summer blockbuster. Loads of characters, a fun adventure mode, and more made this a lasting worthwhile title. It’s particularly bad form to number games when a sequel is anything but a guarantee. That would be like naming the first of something Episode IV!

Alternate Title Suggestion:
Tobal’s All-Star Fighting Gala

Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance
Every Castlevania game post Castlevania: Bloodlines on the genesis has been campaigning for most pretentious title in serious history. What, were Simon’s Quest, Dracula’s Curse, and Super Castlevania too pedestrian for the folks at Konami? Did we really need overwrought titles such as Aria of Sorrow, Lament of Innocence, and Portrait of Ruin? While pretension alone should get a game title on this list, what really tips the scales for Harmony is that its title is contradictory. Dissonance literally means a “inharmonious or harsh sound.” Yes, the title is obviously meant to be contradictory, but it’s just silly sounding to anyone who knows what those words mean. What’s next, Castlevania: Anger of Tranquility?

Alternate Title Suggestion:
Castlevania: Anger of Tranquility