The last useless lessons feature was incredibly popular, and many pointed out it wasn’t a comprehensive list. This is true, as five is rarely the comprehensive list for just about anything unless you’re talking about elements or members of The Beatles. With that in mind, here are five more of the useless lessons that video games teach.

Crates are considered decoration in some cultures
Just like the barrels in the original list, crates are a favorite staple of game design. Play just about any game and you will find copious amounts of crates lying about. Sure, much like barrels they often contain valuables, but unlike barrels they are also often part of the local décor.

In reality, there are very few places you can venture where crates are stacked from floor to ceiling in interesting arrangements. That’s basically unique to films and video games. More to the point, crowbars might be useful in reality to open said crates, but in video game land one hit from a crowbar smashes a crates so completely that it usually simply disappears. Sure, no one likes the idea of wooden splinters covering the floor, but disintegrating crates should be far more disturbing.

Birds are some of the most bloodthirsty creates on earth
When was the last time you were attacked by a bird? If you’ve played a video game recently then it hasn’t probably been that long, at least virtually. In everything from Castlevania to The Wizard of Oz game you will find dive-bombing birds just waiting for their chance to knock a block of your energy off, or worse, you completely off a platform to your death. In reality, most birds will generally leave you alone assuming you do not get too close to its nest. Even then, it will mostly just scream at you.

Villains always come in three forms
Imagine if when the Iraqis had hung Saddam Hussein he had transformed into a flying version of himself. Then imagine they fired rockets at him which precipitated his final transformation into a dragon. Yes, make all the analogies you wish with the insurgents in Iraq, but the truth is that real life villains generally take one form and then die. And there’s almost always never any final battle in the form of a mythical creature. Well, with the exception of Napoléon Bonaparte.

Double jumping is what put the Air in Air Jordan
Where video games came up with the idea of double jumping is a mystery to one and all. While Prince of Persia introduced basic concepts such as grabbing hold of ledges, most of the rest of gaming decided to go in a little less realistic direction. Sure, it may seem like Kobe Bryant and Dwayne Wade can defy the laws of physics, but someone should really ask Bryant to jump again at the height of his first jump. That person should also probably be bigger than Kobe, just in case he doesn’t have a sense of humor.

World War II was the longest war in history
There’s no doubt that World War II, when fully taken into context, is the worst war most of the world has ever seen. In terms of lives, it is easily the most deadly. However, in terms of length, it was relatively short compared with many other conflicts. Consider that the Vietnam War was over twice as long, and the current Iraq War is almost just as long. Now, question why there are so many games set during World War II? If you added all the games up, and this is even removing the parts that overlap, the games seem to tell a thirty year story. Games are to World War II what MASH was to the Korean War.

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1. Five useless lessons taught by video games
2. Should life be more like video games?
3. The history of the ninja in video games
4. Worst titles for good games
5. Five annoying habits of video game forums

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