Sure, you know the questions game designers want you to ask. Do Mario and Peach end up together? What is that planet Master Chief is drifting toward? But what about the more obscure questions that break the very logic of the games? Beware, spoilers lurk ahead.
Super Mario Bros. 2
If Mario is dreaming the whole thing, what happens when he dies?
If you’ve beaten Super Mario Bros. 2, then you know it has a plot twist to rival M. Night Shamalan. What you may never have considered, however, is what happens to Mario if he doesn’t make it to the end?
Sure, beating Wart wakes Mario up for a fleeting moment, but if you lose does he enter a deep coma? Is it like the myth that dying in you dreams will really kill you in your sleep? In the other Mario games the consequences of failing are pretty clear, but not so here.
River City Ransom
If Slick controls the entire city, why does he feel a special need to torment and taunt Ryan in particular?
Seriously, what is this guy’s deal? First, he takes control of the entire city. Great for him. Everyone should have goals in life.
But that wasn’t enough, as he kidnaps Ryan’s girlfriend on top of all that. Then, he has the audacity (of hope?) to taunt Ryan with a letter. Sure, it makes for great drama and is really part of a larger game series, but in the contest of Ransom it makes little to no sense. It’s like if Osama Bin Laden orchestrated 9/11 and then sent a letter to Ryan Gosling taunting him over it.
Mortal Kombat II
If characters kill each other with their finishing moves, how did anyone other than Lui Kang return for the sequel?
Play through the first game and you will quickly question how they ever made a sequel. Sure, to continue any fighting game series’ storyline the creators have to assume a particular outcome. But Mortal Kombat is different.
You don’t simply beat down a lineup of opponents on your way to victory. You kill most of them. Sure, maybe you missed a chance to do a finishing move on some of your opponents, but all of them? Is Lui Kang just a really nice guy who chose not to finish his opponents? Sort of takes the mortal out of it all.
Bad Dudes
Assuming ninjas really could infiltrate the government and kidnap the President, why would the government choose two random street thugs to save him?
So, the President of the United States is kidnapped by ninjas and all the government can figure out to do is ask two random guys to save him? Where is the military? The police? Chuck Norris?
Assuming the military has been overthrown, it still leaves the question of why these two “dudes?” Sure, they may be the baddest of the bad, but wouldn’t it make more sense to rush the ninjas with an army of above average bad dudes? Plus, why are ninjas kidnapping the President anyway? Retribution for World War II?
Mario Is Missing / Luigi’s Mansion
If Mario is such the hero of the series, why does it seem Luigi is saving him an awful lot?
Mario gets top billing in just about every game Nintendo makes, but for a hero he sure is prone to being kidnapped. What’s the plumber’s problem? Is he just so arrogant that he doesn’t take his security detail with him anywhere?
Of course, it falls on his faithful brother Luigi to save him whenever he gets into trouble. That’s great that Luigi is such a loving brother, but couldn’t Mario share some of the spotlight with him as thanks? Here’s a tip: if your brother is constantly saving your neck as you run around and try to be the hero, show some gratitude and at least put his name on the marquee too next time.
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