Sure, a lot of the mistrust between gamers and non-gamers comes from simple miscommunication, but that doesn’t mean some points aren’t valid. Below are 25 popular (and not so popular) reasons why gamers annoy those who don’t play games.
1. Halo is not a sport.
That’s great that you’re really into playing online games, but they’re not a sport. Not anymore than playing Boggle competitively is. Doing something where you get physical exercise rather an avatar is the first step to playing a sport.
2. The controllers are indeed too complicated.
Nintendo isn’t crazy. The controllers for the PS3 and Xbox 360 are unwieldy, especially for someone who last played a video game in the Pac-Man or Super Mario Bros. era. Manipulating it is a skill lacked by many, so why be annoyed at them?
3. No, I have no clue what happened in Mega Man 4.
Neither do I have any clue what happened 20 years ago on Doctor Who. I just like the little blue guy jumping around and shooting. It’s fun. I don’t really care how the string-thin storyline ties into Mega Man X2.
4. I don’t need 502 ways to decapitate my opponent.
Seriously, after the first 223 I just got bored. After the first 307 I started to forget the first 100. At that point, I’m not sure if I started over reusing the same ones from earlier or not.
5. No, I do not need to read a FAQ to find all 502 ways.
Look, it’s great that such things exist for those who want them. Personally, however, I don’t much enjoy films or books where I need a running commentary just to figure out what’s going on. Why would I enjoy it in a game?
6. Zelda games do not need to be hard edged.
Seriously, I find the art style of The Wind Waker to be charming. I don’t need Gannon chopping off the ears of villagers to make me enjoy the game. It’s fun because it is, not because it will give me nightmares.
7. Resident Evil 2 is not the best in the series.
I couldn’t play it. The controls were awkward and confusing and the save system a mess. Resident Evil 4 was easily the best because it was the most playable except for the very hardcore. Yes, perhaps Resident Evil 2 was the Tolstoy of Resident Evil games and I simply needed to slog my way through it, but I didn’t and I won’t.
8. Final Fantasy VII is the best Final Fantasy.
It was like playing a movie, and it was easy enough I didn’t quit halfway through it. Again, the hardcore may enjoy 100 hours of leveling up, but that gets boring for me. I have other things I want to do with those 100 hours. Plus, I thought Cait Sith was cute.
9. I find Wii Sports to be incredibly fun.
Yes, you’re quite clever in that you can just twist your hand and bowl well. I, on the other hand, actually enjoy acting out the full motion. It’s fun, and it doesn’t take 20 hours simply to master the controls. Yes, I will be purchasing Wii Sports Resort. Maybe two copies–just for kicks.
10. I own a PSP and have not installed custom firmware.
The thing already plays games, movies, music, and surfs the Internet. What else do I need it to do? Play old NES games? Why? If I wanted that I’d buy a GameBoy Color.
11. I really like Guitar Hero.
I get it, okay? There was some game in Japan that was like Guitar Hero, but better in your opinion. You paid a few hundred to import it ten years ago and have an all-knowing smirk towards those of us just discovering the fun of fake guitar games. Great for you.
12. I don’t really like drawing maps to play video games.
The idea of a video game where I need to get out graph paper to keep up with it just sounds like an utter bore. If I had wanted to be a cartographer I would have went to cartographer school–not played a game about it.
13. Madden Football is good enough.
Sure, the game can be exploited against the computer. Guess what? I like that part of it! I want to rush for 250 yards in a game! I want to set the single season record for touchdowns thrown! If I wanted realistic statistics I would go play football for real, and then likely be laid up bed for three months after playing more Madden.
14. Portal was a fun game and not a religion.
Yes, the puzzles were clever and the ending was out of left field. I thoroughly enjoyed the titled. What I don’t need is to worship at the altar of the game. I don’t need a tattoo of the Weighted Companion Cube. I can be a fan with none of the above.
15. I need help playing games sometimes.
There–I said it. I’m not going pro anytime soon and I still need someone to help me along from time to time. On second thought, I might use one of those FAQs just so I don’t waste ten hours trying to find the blue key.
16. You are not persecuted.
Until someone starts telling gamers where they can eat and whom they can date, they have not been persecuted. People calling video games “kids’ stuff” is not persecution. Stop playing Call of Duty and go read a history book.
17. Sorry, but dressing up as Cloud makes you a nerd.
Embrace your inner nerd all you like, but don’t complain when people call you a nerd for doing so. Yes, people who wear football jerseys of their favorite player look like kids, too. Great, you have some company in Nerdsville.
18. $600 is a lot to play video games.
Sure, it can play Blu-Rays, but I’m not a movie nerd, either. $600 is an awful lot to blow on something to play video games, and spending $2,000 on eBay for the same $600 system is even weirder. There’s a good reason the Wii is the best selling system.
19. I will ask if you have Pac-Man or Donkey Kong.
I like those games. They’re fun. They were fun twenty years ago, and they still are today. I’m sure Halo is fun too, but I also like watching reruns of Cheers.
20. I don’t want to join a clan.
Look, the only clans I know of are in Braveheart and Mississippi Burning. I don’t want to join either. I think it’s great you have a little club of online friends to play games with, but I mostly quit joining clubs when I graduated high school. No offense.
21. I like licensed games.
I know this bothers you, but I enjoy playing the games based off Disney’s Cars with my kids. They like the characters and the games are simple and straight forward fun. I’m sure Attack Rocket Auto Death VII is a blast to play, but not for my kids. I will also likely pick them up a Spongebob Squarepants game at some point, and maybe even Hannah Montana.
22. Game stories bore me.
I’m on a strange alien world stranded alone with only an artificial intelligence program to keep me company? Yes, that’s riveting. Wait, there’s a second, even more dangerous alien race out there? Big shocking twist there!
23. I will not read a book or watch a film based on a video game.
Look, if they can’t the story right in the game, why would I assume it’d be better in a film or book? There’s already plenty of good films and books to spend my time with. Tell me when Christopher Nolan makes a video game film and maybe we’ll talk then.
24. I have no idea what a PokeMAN is.
Nor do I know what a PokeMON, or Zelda, or Flood is. I also don’t know who Akira Kurosawa or Michael Chabon are. I do know who Gustav Holst is, however. It’s all about tradeoffs.
25. I enjoy Bejeweled.
Say what you will, but casual games on my computer occupy a lot of my “gaming” time. I enjoy them. They’re light, fun, and don’t require hours upon hours of times invested in them. I do occasionally fire up The Sims or Sim City, and I don’t feel bad about it either.
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August 17th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
christ, leave the guy alone. I agree with about half the points, but i’m not going to decapitate him for it.
I especially agree with point 7.
August 17th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
All you uptight virgin gamers really need to go here and get some perspective on what is important in life. Also look up the meaning of satire while you are at it(dictionary.com)
lemonparty.org
August 17th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
First of all, I think you should show a little respect for these “gamers” you speak of. It was through their hardwork, whether by directly being in the industry, or by supporting it during the early days, that you can sit at home and play with your Wii and pretend you are bowling. If it weren’t for them, you might not have Pac-man and Donkey Kong and Wii Sports that you love so much.
Secondly, these gamers are just as annoyed at you as you are of them. The difference being, however, is that you loathe us because we have different opinions than you, but they’re constantly trying to get you to be more like them. Yes, just like them. This is not a bad thing, it’s rather normal. People tend to want to share things that fascinate them. And no, I’m not talking about “let’s dress up like Cloud!!1! lol.” I’m talking about how they constantly want you to try new games, new genres, new ways of thinking, because secretly, deep down, these gamers want to share this incredible medium with you to the fullest extent possible. People like you, though, are just being rather rude by calling gamers “annoying” for merely expressing our opinions and trying to share them with you. I will give you some points though, as some gamers can be more persistent and invasive than others. This brings me to my third point however.
This is good for the industry. Yes, it is. The fact that there seems to be a divide between “gamers” and “non-gamers” means the industry is getting bigger, and more people are being exposed to the medium. This is not only a consequence of expansion, but it’s rather welcomed. Different people have different opinions about different things. Shocking to you, maybe, but spend some time talking to art snobs, casual artist, literature professors, Danielle Steele fans, movie buffs, teeny-boppers, etc etc. You’ll quickly realize that this is how things work. Always has, always will. Reading your article not only offended me, but it took away 5 minutes from my life that I will never get back. The article read more like a laundry list of specific examples when these “gamers” annoy you simple because they’re different from you. Rather childish, don’t you think?
August 17th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Hmm…seems like my comment was deleted…did I strike a chord?
August 17th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
1. Halo is not a sport.
True. Halo is a video game from Microsoft. Playing it is just as much a sport as playing Madden.
3. No, I have no clue what happened in Mega Man 4.
Whoever grilled you on the plot points of a twenty year old Capcom game needs a smack in the mouth. Everyone knows Mega Man sucked after 2.
7. Resident Evil 2 is not the best in the series.
I think most N64 players would agree with you. There was a time I couldn’t even walk into a Target without tripping over a stack of cutout-binned RE2 carts.
8. Final Fantasy VII is the best Final Fantasy.
FF7 was–and still is–garbage. The absolute most annoying gamers I’ve ever met are the ones that feel compelled to tell you how they broke down and couldn’t eat for a month after Aeris got stabbed.
11. I really like Guitar Hero.
Maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll graduate to Rock Band.
13. Madden Football is good enough.
Also, not a sport.
14. Portal was a fun game and not a religion.
So was Tron and Dune.
15. I need help playing games sometimes.
Maybe you’ll have to rethink your position on FAQs.
18. $600 is a lot to play video games.
The PS3 was (and still is) astronomically overpriced. Let’s talk about the 3DO…
19. I will ask if you have Pac-Man or Donkey Kong.
And the answer you’ll probably get from every gamer on the planet is: Yes. Everyone has a Namco Museum or ColecoVision cart buried somewhere.
22. Game stories bore me.
Except FF7, I guess.
23. I will not read a book or watch a film based on a video game.
Fair enough. Batman on the NES and Chronicles of Riddick both got high marks. Too bad Riddick blew dog.
August 17th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
August 17th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
this is bad and you should feel bad
August 17th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
lololololololoololol pretending to be a condescending asshole is so funnay lololool
August 17th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Usually satire is supposed to be funny.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
The guy who wrote this article is just a troll. Nothing to see here. Move along.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Ahhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I own a Wii, 360, PS3, and have a lv 70, endgame raiding guild in World of Warcraft, and this article completely failed to offend me. I was actually greatly amused. So, what’s all of you guys’s problems?
August 17th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
CAASSUUUALLLLSSSS
August 17th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Ancalagon, what is it satire of? Horribly written game journalism?
August 17th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Made me laugh, some people take this stuff way too seriously.
“502 way to decapitate” – I want that game, and the FAQ.
August 17th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Reason 26: Too defensive, easily angered, and verbally abusive. See also: Charlie.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
16. You are not persecuted.
Ahah, aheh, oho. I’d like to know what sites you’re visiting where gamers are claiming to be “persecuted,” because out of all the crazies I’ve met through the internet, I have never heard anyone say this kind of shit in my life.
Oh and don’t say Ctrl Alt Del or GameFAQs forums; they’re not people.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I agree with Charlie.
Apparently gamers annoy you because we can use “complicated” controllers, you like more casual friendly games, you don’t like video game stories, and you don’t know who Zelda is.
Sounds to me like you just don’t like “hardcore” games. Half the things you list don’t make sense at all.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
This isn’t satire you twats, it’s a piss-take. Get it right before Voltaire rises from the dead and kills us all.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Thats not a list of things that annoy you. L2write good’er
August 18th, 2008 at 2:02 am
LOL! As a hardcore gamer, and a developer in the early days (‘old school’ – Yes I was witting code before a lot of you were alive; ‘twisty little corridors all alike’) I totally find this funny!
Great Job!
#20, As a Scottish-American made me laugh my ass off!
If your a “Gamer” who finds this offensive, I suggest you get out of your basement, ’cause it is your type that feeds these stereotypes!
August 18th, 2008 at 3:27 am
Please if your gonna waste my time by posting this crap on Kotaku please make it worthwhile, I thought it was interesting and if your so interested in organization, music and so forth tell me why is this article a written mess?
You’ve broken the first rule KISS. LEARN IT. Kotaku had to do it for you.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I think there are a lot of “hardcore” gamers who feel the same way about a lot of this stuff. The mega man games have a plot?
August 18th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Comment wars make me and baby jesus cry.
August 18th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Videogames are for children.
hahaha.
A lot of videogames have a huge learning curve and take hours to understand the controls. And adults have a harder time learning new things. My logic is fullproof!
August 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
>I will also likely pick them up a (…) Hannah Montana [game].
You’re a horrible parent in so many ways.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Wow, I had no idea 8 buttons on a controller was confusing. Closet case casual gamer….
September 1st, 2008 at 1:30 am
oh my god, the article was pretty good (and i agreed with just over half of the points) but the comments! the whiny comments! the indignant personal attacks!
you guys are fucking hilarious! way to show the irony of the situation by pretending to be hurt, insulted fanboys, genius comedy there guys, bravo!
oh wait, you weren’t joking? wow. now i agree with 3/4 of his list.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:56 am
by the way, 8 buttons on a controller IS confusing, are you fucking kidding me? do you guys have a double jointed thumb or maybe an extra finger on your right hand or something? if those extra 4 buttons were all on the underside of the controller maybe then it would make sense, otherwise its an exercise of pain till you’ve logged like 20 hours with the thing, and even then its still AWKWARD
June 14th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I must say, I am not a gamer but my girlfriend is. Good grief, let everyone have their hobbies already! The guy who wrote this had some valid points, but does he realize that more than half of the things he said actually revealed him as a gamer? Does he know what a gamer is? lol…what a dork. On top of it all…I came here thinking this post would be amusing…but in the end it was sad…you all, on ALL sides of the argument take it ALL too seriously…relax…and go play a game
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Amazing Post! Finally a blog that isnt just junk.