Sure, a lot of the mistrust between gamers and non-gamers comes from simple miscommunication, but that doesn’t mean some points aren’t valid.  Below are 25 popular (and not so popular) reasons why gamers annoy those who don’t play games.

1. Halo is not a sport.
That’s great that you’re really into playing online games, but they’re not a sport.  Not anymore than playing Boggle competitively is.  Doing something where you get physical exercise rather an avatar is the first step to playing a sport.

2. The controllers are indeed too complicated.
Nintendo isn’t crazy.  The controllers for the PS3 and Xbox 360 are unwieldy, especially for someone who last played a video game in the Pac-Man or Super Mario Bros. era.  Manipulating it is a skill lacked by many, so why be annoyed at them?

3. No, I have no clue what happened in Mega Man 4.
Neither do I have any clue what happened 20 years ago on Doctor Who.  I just like the little blue guy jumping around and shooting.  It’s fun.  I don’t really care how the string-thin storyline ties into Mega Man X2.

4. I don’t need 502 ways to decapitate my opponent.
Seriously, after the first 223 I just got bored.  After the first 307 I started to forget the first 100.  At that point, I’m not sure if I started over reusing the same ones from earlier or not.

5. No, I do not need to read a FAQ to find all 502 ways.
Look, it’s great that such things exist for those who want them.  Personally, however, I don’t much enjoy films or books where I need a running commentary just to figure out what’s going on.  Why would I enjoy it in a game?

6. Zelda games do not need to be hard edged.
Seriously, I find the art style of The Wind Waker to be charming.  I don’t need Gannon chopping off the ears of villagers to make me enjoy the game.  It’s fun because it is, not because it will give me nightmares.

7. Resident Evil 2 is not the best in the series.
I couldn’t play it.  The controls were awkward and confusing and the save system a mess.  Resident Evil 4 was easily the best because it was the most playable except for the very hardcore.  Yes, perhaps Resident Evil 2 was the Tolstoy of Resident Evil games and I simply needed to slog my way through it, but I didn’t and I won’t.

8. Final Fantasy VII is the best Final Fantasy.
It was like playing a movie, and it was easy enough I didn’t quit halfway through it.  Again, the hardcore may enjoy 100 hours of leveling up, but that gets boring for me.  I have other things I want to do with those 100 hours.  Plus, I thought Cait Sith was cute.

9. I find Wii Sports to be incredibly fun.
Yes, you’re quite clever in that you can just twist your hand and bowl well.  I, on the other hand, actually enjoy acting out the full motion.  It’s fun, and it doesn’t take 20 hours simply to master the controls.  Yes, I will be purchasing Wii Sports Resort.  Maybe two copies–just for kicks.

10. I own a PSP and have not installed custom firmware.
The thing already plays games, movies, music, and surfs the Internet.  What else do I need it to do?  Play old NES games?  Why?  If I wanted that I’d buy a GameBoy Color.

11. I really like Guitar Hero.
I get it, okay?  There was some game in Japan that was like Guitar Hero, but better in your opinion.  You paid a few hundred to import it ten years ago and have an all-knowing smirk towards those of us just discovering the fun of fake guitar games.  Great for you.

12. I don’t really like drawing maps to play video games.
The idea of a video game where I need to get out graph paper to keep up with it just sounds like an utter bore.  If I had wanted to be a cartographer I would have went to cartographer school–not played a game about it.

13. Madden Football is good enough.
Sure, the game can be exploited against the computer.  Guess what?  I like that part of it!  I want to rush for 250 yards in a game!  I want to set the single season record for touchdowns thrown!  If I wanted realistic statistics I would go play football for real, and then likely be laid up bed for three months after playing more Madden.

14. Portal was a fun game and not a religion.
Yes, the puzzles were clever and the ending was out of left field.  I thoroughly enjoyed the titled.  What I don’t need is to worship at the altar of the game.  I don’t need a tattoo of the Weighted Companion Cube.  I can be a fan with none of the above.

15. I need help playing games sometimes.
There–I said it.  I’m not going pro anytime soon and I still need someone to help me along from time to time.  On second thought, I might use one of those FAQs just so I don’t waste ten hours trying to find the blue key.

16. You are not persecuted.
Until someone starts telling gamers where they can eat and whom they can date, they have not been persecuted.  People calling video games “kids’ stuff” is not persecution.  Stop playing Call of Duty and go read a history book.

17. Sorry, but dressing up as Cloud makes you a nerd.
Embrace your inner nerd all you like, but don’t complain when people call you a nerd for doing so.  Yes, people who wear football jerseys of their favorite player look like kids, too.  Great, you have some company in Nerdsville.

18. $600 is a lot to play video games.
Sure, it can play Blu-Rays, but I’m not a movie nerd, either.  $600 is an awful lot to blow on something to play video games, and spending $2,000 on eBay for the same $600 system is even weirder.  There’s a good reason the Wii is the best selling system.

19. I will ask if you have Pac-Man or Donkey Kong.
I like those games.  They’re fun.  They were fun twenty years ago, and they still are today.  I’m sure Halo is fun too, but I also like watching reruns of Cheers.

20. I don’t want to join a clan.
Look, the only clans I know of are in Braveheart and Mississippi Burning.  I don’t want to join either.  I think it’s great you have a little club of online friends to play games with, but I mostly quit joining clubs when I graduated high school.  No offense.

21. I like licensed games.
I know this bothers you, but I enjoy playing the games based off Disney’s Cars with my kids.  They like the characters and the games are simple and straight forward fun.  I’m sure Attack Rocket Auto Death VII is a blast to play, but not for my kids.  I will also likely pick them up a Spongebob Squarepants game at some point, and maybe even Hannah Montana.

22. Game stories bore me.
I’m on a strange alien world stranded alone with only an artificial intelligence program to keep me company?  Yes, that’s riveting.  Wait, there’s a second, even more dangerous alien race out there?  Big shocking twist there!

23. I will not read a book or watch a film based on a video game.
Look, if they can’t the story right in the game, why would I assume it’d be better in a film or book?  There’s already plenty of good films and books to spend my time with.  Tell me when Christopher Nolan makes a video game film and maybe we’ll talk then.

24. I have no idea what a PokeMAN is.
Nor do I know what a PokeMON, or Zelda, or Flood is.  I also don’t know who Akira Kurosawa or Michael Chabon are.  I do know who Gustav Holst is, however.  It’s all about tradeoffs.

25. I enjoy Bejeweled.
Say what you will, but casual games on my computer occupy a lot of my “gaming” time.  I enjoy them.  They’re light, fun, and don’t require hours upon hours of times invested in them.  I do occasionally fire up The Sims or Sim City, and I don’t feel bad about it either.

Related posts:

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2. Five things that video games get right
3. Gamers go nuts and vandalize yet another Amazon book page
4. Resident Evil Zero, just like a good zombie, has risen again now for Wii
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