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Baseball Mogul is a great sim series, and while the 2009 version may not have gotten our highest marks, it remains one of the best sports sim titles you can play.  Now the developer is offering free for today only, as they get ready for release of the 2010 version.  Not a bad deal?  I guess they could pay you to take it, but that’s just being greedy.  So go get it—now!

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Looking for pals to go swimming with?  Endless Ocean is a fun game, but even more fun with a friend.  Post your friend code here and find codes for others.  It’s always fun to find new friends to explore the ocean with.

Be sure to check out the other friend code exchanges here on the site:

• Animal Crossing: City Folk
• Mario Kart Wii
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl

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Uwe Boll, video game director auteur, would like to borrow some cash.  $49 to be exact.  That crazy German has cooked up a new scheme to finance his newest film (not video game related, mind you).

For the terrorist thriller "Blackout," Boll is offering "fans" a chance to spend $49 to become a co-producer on the film.  What does your cash buy you?  Well, obviously the credit, but also a special edition DVD of the finished film…if it gets made.

Ahh yes, you knew there had to be a catch, right?  Turns out that Boll figures he needs about $18.5 million to make his little film.  If he doesn’t raise that amount (unlikely) by March 31, then he will cancel the film and return to you, lucky investor, at least $40 of your film.

Hmm, does it sound like Boll is trying to get you to invest in a Viagra factory under the Brooklyn Bridge in Zimbabwe?  He does add that if he can raise just 43% of his intended total that he might consider making the film on a smaller budget.  So, just about $8 million?  Come on folks, can’t you help out a struggling filmmaker?

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With the proliferation of blogs, it now seems video game reviews are everywhere.  So, which ones can you trust?  Which provide valuable analysis of a game and its value?  Who cares?  Writing game reviews for the Internet is about much more than whether the game is good or not.  See below for some "techniques" to utilize in making yourself a game review legend.

Tourette Tendencies

What is it?
The uncontrollable urge to curse wildly in your review.  Remember, writing online is all about earning "nerd cred."  What is that?  Nerds would like to be like the cool kids, but since they never get invited to the cool kid parties their only real view of what cool kids do comes from Martin Scorsese films and the Fonz.  Helplessly they toss random four letter words into their sentences.

Example?
The new Prince of Persia is a piece of shit.  Fuck it, and the piece of shit magic carpet it rode in on.

Internet Meme Syndrome

What is it?
Again, how does one establish that all important nerd cred in a review?  Superior grasp of the concept is too much work, so instead toss in some random popular Internet sayings.  The more obscure and fresh the better, but even golden oldies never truly turn sour with age.  They’re more like wines.  Bonus points if you combine multiple references.

Example?
While playing Red Alert 3 I got the distinct impression that the opposing forces thought all my base belong to them, but I went all Chuck Norris on them.  They had doubts, but they were all epic fail, and I was all yes we can.

Homoxenoism

What is it?
Look, no one online is gay, female, or some race different than you personally.  This is reflected in the games you play, so it must be true!  Random out of place homophobic, xenophobic, or just plain sexist comments are generally a good idea since there can’t possibly be anyone reading it who would be offended.  Those people don’t play games.  They go shopping for berets.

Example?
Gears of War 2 is a giant big gay French whoebag.  I keep waiting for it to offer me a rainbow encrusted wheel of cheese while some stupid woman tries to tell me how to eat with my mouth closed.  I hate you Jeanie.

Nostalgic Nadir

What is it?
Everything was better in the past.  Games, music, women, and even the light from the sun.  Don’t agree?  Just try playing a modern Final Fantasy.  They completely lack the hardcoreness of Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest.  Whatever you are reviewing, be sure to compare it to a game from the past that was better.  Even if they’re in different genres.  Sorry this post isn’t better, but nothing will ever top Homoxenoism.

Example?
God of War II may be a fine action title, but it lacks in so many areas that Afterburner excelled.  They just don’t make them with aircraft carriers anymore.

Fanboy Fantastico

What is it?
You may run a web site that only reviews Xbox 360 titles, but you still want to get a few jabs in on the Wii, right?  What’s holding you back?  Reviews don’t have to be contained simply to the game or platform you’re reviewing.  They’re open invitations to rant about the current state of gaming, and particularly to rail against your system of choice.  The more outrageous your claims the more likely that they’ll ring true to fellow fanboys.

Example?
Madden NFL Football 09 for the Xbox 360 is a triumph in graphics!  It finally lives up to their infamous target video they released several years back.  One system that will never live up to those graphics is the Wii because it’s for babies.  John  Madden has even said he’d prefer they didn’t make his game for the Wii anymore.

Analytic Sycophant

What is it?
Remember that one literature or film course you took in college?  Remember how they told you sometimes things are about other things than they say they’re about?  Like how Heart of Darkness is about the Vietnam War, or something?  You should totally do that in game reviews.  Again, the more off the wall your theory sounds the more likely that you’re reading deeper and really "getting it" where others do not.

Example?
New Super Mario Bros. may seem like a fun game for all ages, but what’s with the mushrooms he eats to get bigger?  I guess that makes Princess Toadstool a total crack whore, too.  And Luigi I’m tight with because he’s into the environment like me.  Think about it folks.

Name-dropitis

What is it?
Similar to Nostalgic Nadir, the technique here is to always use the most obscure titles you can when comparing a title.  Look, if you want to be perceived as someone who knows video games, then you need to show people that you know all video games–even ones that were never released!

Example?
Ace Combat 5 is an interesting flight sim, but I can’t help but be reminded of the third level of the unreleased StarFox 2.  Haven’t played it?  You should.

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This Friday will see the “reimagining” of one of the classic slasher franchises in theaters across the nation.  Standing now at 12 films, it is hard to imagine a film franchise making it this far and not being the subject matter of a game or two.  Unfortunately, the only game of note to honor the Friday the 13th franchise was the infamous NES title.  Since we can’t offer you promises of a new game, below we offer some game suggestions to get you in the mood for the new  film.

Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball
Xbox / Xbox 360

Unlike the Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween films, there was very little “artistic” vision to the Friday films to begin with.  They were always exploitation films doling out equal measures of sex and violence.  In other words, it wouldn’t really be a Friday film without the T&A.

And what game has ever been more about T&A than Dead or Alive’s spinoff volleyball titles?  Really, these were volleyball games where more energy was spent on the physics of the women’s bodies than the actual volleyball.  While nudity was not featured in the game, it is as close as has probably ever been shown in a mainstream game title (i.e. not an Adults Only rated porn title).

Night Trap
Sega CD / Sega 32X CD

If you want bad acting, cheesy special effects, and women running in their underwear all in one game then you have to go to Night Trap.  Sega’s darling showcase title for the Sega CD format proved to be a little too controversial for its time, and the game was actually edited for rerelease.

Controversy aside, though, this full-motion-video based title plays out like most bad horror films from the 1980s.  A bunch of young women are helpless at the hands of a stalking force.  Sound familiar?  Not a good game, but then, neither are the Friday films particularly good, either.

Splatterhouse
TurboGrafx-16

Sure, it’s a bit of a role reversal in that in this game you’re the one wearing a hockey mask and chopping up people, but so what?  It might just be that the best concept for a Friday the 13th game is to actually you in the role of Jason and set you loose.

Splatterhouse is a classic side-scrolling action game.  With a cursed mask on your face, you battle through levels killing monsters and demons on your way to rescue your girlfriend.  Better yet, a remake coming this year features the ability to fight with your own severed limbs.  Yes, that’s classy in the Friday the 13th vein.

Ninja Gaiden
Arcade / Atari Lynx

How could the Ninja Gaiden series possibly relate to Friday the 13th?  For those who recall the original arcade title it’s fairly clear.  One of the more memorable enemies you faced were legions of thugs in hockey masks.

Why hockey masks?  One has to assume the design was inspired by the Friday the 13th films, though the enemies did not carry machetes.  Still, outside of an NHL or actual Friday the 13th game, it’s the closest you’ll get in a game to beating up on hulking men in hockey masks (what you do in your private life is up to you).

Friday the 13th
NES

You can’t really do a Friday the 13th game tribute without showcasing the number one game—the only one actually related to Friday the 13th!  The NES title has achieved near classic status over the years despite its shoddy quality.  Why?

Fans will tell you it produces a genuine sense of dread and fear unlike almost any other title until the rise of the early Resident Evil titles.  You run around Camp Crystal Lake trying to figure out how to defeat Jason, and all the while he stalks you—randomly popping up both outdoors and inside of cabins.  That sense of never knowing where Jason will turn up next emulates the films incredibly well, and despite the poor quality of the actual game, makes it incredibly memorable as a play experience.

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Obviously not every game is for everyone.  Still, this thread over at CAG is fairly interesting.  The gamer says he simply isn’t in to Eternal Darkness, easily one of the best games on the GameCube, and that’s a system that saw classics like Metroid Prime and Wind Waker.

So, what widely loved (dare say, classic?) games simply don’t do anything for you?  Share yours in the comment section below.

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Electronic Arts just can’t get enough money out of The Sims, err, Sim City, err, whatever franchise.  Witness more milking with the announcement of SimAnimals at CES 2009.  The Sims with animals?  Cute, right?

Wrong.  The demonstration given of the title in this video has got to be one of the more sadistic demos ever for a kid’s game.  Why is he shaking that bear?  And then dumping it in a river?  Then he steals a fawn and attempts to dump it in the same river?  You truly have to wonder about the marketing people at Electronic Arts.  Have they just been worked too hard?

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10) Spore

No, it did not live up to its billing.  Yes, it is still an incredibly fun game.  But more than being a sim game, Spore echoes many titles on this year’s top ten list by being a creation engine.  Half the fun of the title can be had from creating different creatures, homes, ships, etc. through an incredibly intuitive interface.  Not what you wanted from the game?  Perhaps not for you, but it hardly keeps it from being a good game, or in this case one of the best of the year.

9) Boom Blox

Here’s a prediction: one of the best games of 2009 will be developed by an acclaimed director and be loosely based upon a decades old wooden toy.  Sounds ridiculous, right?  And that was everyone’s reaction when Boom Blox was announced.  Then it just so happened that the Jenga-inspired (being kind here) title proved to be one of the best titles for the Wii so far.  The best of the year for the Wii?  Not quite, but it certainly gave the rest of the lineup a run for their money.

8 ) Far Cry 2

An acclaimed sequel not being developed by its original creator is sort of an unknown quantity in the world of video games.  And yet, this year brought us Far Cry 2, easily the best traditional FPS of the year.  And by traditional, only in the sense that you walk around with a gun shooting things.  Otherwise the open world more resembled Grand Theft Auto.  Ditch the malaria caveat and the game could have ranked much higher.

7) Super Smash Bros. Brawl

This year’s list is a bit light on sequels, which is a good thing.  However, incredibly crafted sequels that improve upon already great games is also a good thing.  More fighters?  Check.  More stages?  Check.  A Spore-like build your own content emphasis?  Check.  Even the slowing down of the game, which angered many, was a blessing to those who favor the original Smash Bros. more deliberate pace over the frantic mess of Melee.

6) Left 4 Dead

If the game featured 2-3 times the numbers of levels, then it could have easily become the number one online game of the year.  Even with the paltry number of stages, Left 4 Dead is a fantastic experiment in multiplayer gaming.  When it works, it works unlike any other experience out there.  Hopefully enough players stick around playing it for the next year to make it worthwhile.

5) Mirror’s Edge

Gamers love to complain about nothing new ever getting a try in gaming, and to a large part they themselves are to blame.  Take a title like Mirror’s Edge.  Such an original vision of gaming should be hugely successful, but it hasn’t so far.  The parkour over guns emphasis of the game makes it not only different in style, but one of the few titles this year that truly tried to change gaming as it’s conventionally viewed.

4) Wii Fit

If Mirror’s Edge was noble attempt at changing the face of gaming, Wii Fit actually was a successful one.  Across the nation housewives and young women lined up to buy Wii Fit and the included Balance Board.  Hardcore gamers balked at what they saw as another minigame collection, but look deeper and you see a title that has fundamentally changed gaming.  Again, gamers cry out for innovation, and in Wii Fit Nintendo delivered it.  A game about working out?  That actually gets you to interact with the game, and your workout, in an innovative manner?  When was the last time you even worried about balance when doing a push up?  Not everyone’s game of choice to be sure, but easily one of the best titles published this year.

3) Metal Gear Solid 4

The Metal Gear series is an odd one.  It feels stale between titles, but each new title has brought something fairly fresh and new to the series (as opposed to many other current series).  Metal Gear Solid 4 brought perhaps the most accessible yet version of the series, and with it an epic storyline that tied loose ends most had long forgotten.  More than that, though, Metal Gear Solid feels like a huge blockbuster film franchise.  The best voice acting, cinemas, graphics, story, etc.  All of it wrapped up neatly every few years and delivered to eager gamers.  It isn’t the best game of the year, but it easily has the best production values.

2) Little Big Planet

Already this list has been populated by build your own content titles, but Little Big Planet is the king of them all.  Many joked that if the title had been released for Xbox Live it would have easily dominated the Christmas sales season, and while there might be some truth to that assertion, a greater truth lies in that had it been released for the Wii (with an actual decent online component), you could be looking at a ten million plus seller.  Little Big Planet is everything you ever wanted in a game when you were ten years old: an endless supply of levels coupled with perfectly suited graphics.  Sony has a slow burner on its hands.  Keep the fire well lit, and by this time next year Little Big Planet could finally be pushing consoles.

1) Fable II

Best game of the year?  Yes and no.  Fable II is far from the most creative title of the year.  It’s far from the most inventive of the year.  And as noted, it doesn’t even have the best production values of the year.  Still, the best game of the year is the sum of all its parts and they make up a towering achievement for a sequel.  While the original Fable was burdened with unrealistic hype, the sequel came in with far less.  While the original failed to deliver on several key features, the sequel delivers on those features and then some.  Fable II is the masterpiece that the original was supposed to be.  A few years late, sure, but that doesn’t make it any less quality of a title.  In a year of outstanding creative achievements, Fable II was Lionhead’s creative ambitions finally coming together.  Well played.

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In keeping with the spirit of our Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Kart Wii friend code exchanges, please make full use of the comments section below to post your friend codes for Animal Crossing: City Folk.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?  It’s even more fun in practice, or so they say.  Post away.

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